[personal profile] stacys_musings
These past few weeks have been quite an interesting sequence of events. Bethany and I have been fighting off and on, and while we always make up in the end it just wears on me after a while. My joy comes from gardening, writing (which I have not been doing with the gardening a pressing matter) and from playing guitar. Sitting there and listening to B consists of her going on and on about her family’s history, which, while interesting, does not allow me to talk about my own. She claims she wants me to interject to say something, but then continues talking so that I can’t say anything. If she could skip over taking a pause for breathing she would, just so I can’t talk.
I went this weekend to Beverly for some shrubs. They were free, and I planted them in the center of the yard, creating a kind of wrap-around for the cherry tree. It’ll look nice when it’s done. Then I did the same further down the side yard for the white dogwood, and then there will be the pink dogwood down by the side of the addition. I guess these trees grow slowly so there won’t be too much going on for the first few years or so. B is complaining about it, of course, despite the fact that these plants were mostly free, but my theory is that she feels if I am working in the garden or yard then I have my hearing aids out, and if I have them out then I can’t be sitting there listening to more crap about how I don’t listen.
I saw Sarah M., Lisa’s sister, the other day, and it kind of triggered me because she is an obnoxious loser who never liked me and actually went out of her way to bully me like everyone else in high school and I kind of wish I hadn’t seen her because my fear is she’ll out me to everyone. But she was probably so focused on how much she hated me that she didn’t notice my growing chest. And yes, my chest is indeed growing, and it seems like it’ll hit B-cup status before long, which makes me very happy. I am terrified and excited at the same time. It would be nice if my face would catch up with my body; aside from my man thighs (likely from running), I have a pretty good curvaceous body aside from that disgusting thing hanging in the middle. It’s my hope that over the summer I can have more sessions of laser on my face and on my chest. My arms are not so bad that I have to shave every day, but my chest has to be shaved at least every other day or so; just my breasts, at least. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sitting there and just had this urge to grab my breasts. They feel amazing, and they’re mine. Touching them brings me so much pleasure, and I remember as a kid staring in the mirror wishing the buds would pop out. Well, they are now, and I am so happy with the way that they are coming out. I think I’m past an ‘A’ cup now, and I hope that they are nice and big, not too big, but a good size, enough to make me be seen as a female. People still see me as a guy despite the changes, and this is likely due to my continued wearing of male clothing. I think my shoes will eventually be female, as well as a coat or jacket, but aside from that I will likely continue wearing male clothing.
Today I’m scheduling intervals, like I used to; five minutes on the treadmill, about ten minutes or so on a task, then five minutes on the treadmill. I have to keep myself busy because I think about the future a lot here, and thinking about my family makes me nervous because I don’t know how they are going to take my changes.

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stacys_musings

July 2017

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