[personal profile] stacys_musings
Today I came out to Bill and John, two of the guys down at the coffee shop. They were kind of stunned, but accepting. Not sure if they will continue to be as time goes on, but in any event, they seemed accepting. People are often stunned by new information when they get it, and when they have a chance to process it, they inevitably do one of two things: they either accept it or reject it. Sometimes there is a third option, where they struggle with parts of it, but in today’s world, the vast majority of people either accept things or reject them.
It was today that I noticed that I look very thin now, not emaciated, but enough where I can actually see that I am an hourglass figure. I figured I’d need to lose a lot more weight in order to see my curves, but I am quite happy with what I have right now. My body is no longer really a guy’s as much as a masculine chick (not that I was really that masculine to begin with), and once my facial hair is completely gone, coupled with a new set of glasses, I should be able to finally be my true self. I imagine I am going to confuse the crap out of people with my appearance, especially since I present as a masculine chick, and as soon as my cheeks fill in, the old Shaun will be pretty much non-existent. I have to wear something over my chest so that my breasts don’t show, which are at least an A cup now, but even wearing this flannel shirt reveals graceful curves where there were once blobs of fat. I find it incredible that, for me, my stomach fat was such a major source of contention. I hated it, and whenever I grabbed it (I still can; it is greatly diminished, though), I felt ashamed of myself despite surrounding myself with others who were far more obese than I. Of course, there are those who will reject me and those who will accept me; I have little faith in my immediate family in their outright rejection of me, and perhaps there will be extreme hostility toward me. I told Brett that I was dealing with something, and now I have to kind of message him and tell him what is going on.
I have not really shared much about other happenings in my life. I’ve been focused on the garden, and am in the process of putting in more flowers and plants. There are many seeds to be planted, mostly ground cover, and that will likely come back in the Spring. I have found that it really spreads and grows fast; my goal is to have a completely grassless lawn and at the very least have some kind of waterworks, like a river, meandering through the property. Of course, this might be some kind of a pipe dream; bubbling brooks, after all, require a great deal of time and money to maintain, but my goal is to make the yard best match Bethany’s (and mine) tastes and interests. Forsythia is going to be grown along the side yard and in the back; I love those yellow blooms that will so clearly define the boundaries of the Sedgewood residence without a wall or fence. I am growing ornamental grasses for the back, where they will likely prosper and this fall reach towering heights. I really enjoy being out of doors and enjoying my time in the garden.
These next few weeks will be hectic as I deal with the end of the semester and an upcoming jury duty summons. My wife seems to think I will not need to go; on Friday of next week I will need to call and verify that I will have jury duty. Two classes for Liberty University during the summer and one at Quincy College means that I will be seeing roughly six or seven thousand for the summer, plus whatever if my contract is renewed. I am going to stay at Liberty at least until the end of the year; starting next year I will likely no longer be able to stay there because I will no longer look like a guy. Probably at all.
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